Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Warning: Serious post ahead.

For the last few days, I've been watching the news coverage of hurricane Gustov and I can't help but flash back to three years ago when Katrina hit. Most people remember August 29th, 2005 as the day that our nation experienced one of it's worst natural disasters. It also happens to be the day that my family got swept away in our own personal Katrina; it's the day that Robin was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. We had no idea then what we were in for. Three years later, our storm has settled to a certain degree, but there are occasional dark clouds. I miss Robin. A lot.

While it was agonizingly painful to watch someone I love suffer so much, I'm so grateful for the quality time that I was able to spend with her. I'm thankful for the hospital room dance parties with my sisters (a la Kanye's "Stronger") , the walks in the rose garden (even if we did have to lug an IV pole around), the late night chats ranging in topics from boys to the complexities of this life and the life hereafter, and believe it or not, cancer jokes. That's right, I said jokes. I'll be the first to say that cancer is no laughing matter, but when your options are to lay on the floor and cry about it or make a joke, well, I'd rather laugh and luckily I have a funny family. Well, that's debatable, but I think they're funny (seriously, just spend a few minutes with Natalie).
When Robin's hair started falling out the second time around, we called the "Postive Images" lady (aka lady to buzz your head) at the hospital to take care of business. While I know it wasn't easy, Robin put on a brave face and decided to make some fun out of it. A mowhawk on a relatively conservative girl is always funny, right?
I guess it's safe to say that I hate cancer and I wish with all my heart that we weren't so intimately acquainted, but I can also say that I'm grateful for the lessons it's taught me. I now know that it doesn't matter if Christmas is spent in a hospital room with no presents as long as my family is there.

I know that it's possible to put every ounce of your being into something and still not get what you want, and that's okay. Sometimes the Lord has a different plan. I learned that sometimes there isn't anything to say. That sometimes a big hug will suffice. I learned that humanity is much more kind and willing to give and love than I originally thought. I learned that you can always find some glimmer of hope or goodness even in the most dire of situations. I learned that come Hell or highwater (or cancer), my family has what it takes to make it and there is no greater blessing, especially as we adjust to our new "normal".

I'm sure most have stopped reading by now, but here's the secret: This entry was solely for me. Every now and I again I just need a little reminder. Ahh, that feels much better.

12 comments:

Tianne said...

Hey Lindsay,

Thanks for putting down your thoughts. I miss Robin too, but I know it's not the same. You amazed me with your incredible loyalty and your family were such a support to Robin. Again, like I did in 1995, I only wish my family could be as close knit and succesful as yours. You are so lucky to be so well loved and you're a lovely example of all the good qualities I've admired in the Roziers. Lindsay, you've got a great gift of being the big behind the scenes helper- you really make a lot of things happen and possess the wonder of doing so without a lot of fanfare. It's people like you, who put in the hard work, without expecting the praise, that really show a Christlike example. Thank you for that. -Tianne

Anonymous said...

Thanks for that post Lindsay. I look up to you in many ways.

Grandma Honey said...

Thank you for sharing this post with us all Lindsay. I still think about her everyday. Robin taught me to APPRECIATE every SINGLE DAY. I often quote her in my mind, "A day is a day and every day counts." I also learned much from you...your devotion to your sister, your selflessness when it came to Robin's needs. I remember that day I talked to you on the phone on your birthday...and you were getting ready to go back in the hospital with her. I said, but it's your birthday and you said, "I'll have others." Like you weren't even giving yourself a thought.
I love that picture of the 3 of them. All these memories of yours, including the pictures, will be priceless to Hailey someday.

Brady and Lauren said...

I don't think I can type very well right now with tears streaming down my face, I can't see! Wow, that was a really sweet post Linds! I'm so happy you got to spend so many priceless moments with Robin, and you shared your thoughts with all of us. I miss Robin too! Love ya, and I'm always here for you...ANYTIME!

kat said...

I started crying while reading this post too. Thanks for sharing. You are such a great example of strength and faith. I love you and I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

Kim said...

Hi Lindsay -
I think we may have met once -- this is Kim (one of Dennis' daughters) I found your blog from Jill's. I just want you to know how much this post meant to me tonight. Through my tears I am reminded of how precious life is and also how much your sister (unknowingly) taught me. Jill and I would talk about Robin often. I also followed Robin's blog through her experience and each time I read, I left wanting to be a better mother, a better friend, wife, and sister. Priorities in my life would go back to where they needed to be. And I would look at life a little differently - trying not to take anything for granted - and realizing how precious life is. I have cried many tears about Robin's battle and am grateful that I have also learned many life lessons, too. I could also see what an incredible sister and friend you were, too. I'm glad I read your post tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a different day for me. :)

Kim

Okey's said...

Lindsay, Thank you for writing that post. Although it was for you it was sweet to read. You were(are) an angel and I know that you helped Robin through her battle. You are a very selfless person. Robin and your family had been apart of my prayers and I am humbled by your faith and outlook on life. Your family has been through much with not only Robin but your extended family. I am sure there are still good and bad days. I hope that you get to see her sweet Haley and Robins Husband (that for some reason I totally have a brain block with his name that I will remember after I send this).
Good luck with school! love, jana

Shannon Elizabeth said...

AMEN. Can I get a hallelujah? gosh I love you. I love Robin. Life is beautiful. also very sad. The mohawk reminds me of when we put on graduation robes and sang this little light of mine to my mom like we were a black gospel choir. She kicked up her little legs like a fighter. Maybe I'll post about it. Thanks for this.
I needed it today.

You are beautiful. Why am I writing this all in a public place when I live with you?

Unknown said...

Beautiful post. I loved the mohok (spelling) picture. Can't wait to see you in just a few weeks!!

Rachel DeFreese said...

I think that right now all I have for you is a hug, but I can't remember if it's the 'X' or the 'O'....consider yourself virtually hugged. You amaze me!

Brock said...

Lindsay, I found this post today and it made me sad and happy. I always think of Robin when the hurricane pics start posting. I just remember feeling sooo much sadness that day. I love your sister and your whole family. We are thinking and praying for you and all of us!

Erin

Ashley said...

I love you Lindz! Thank you for sharing - it was for you but I needed it, too!